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Bleacher Report – Vikings

A list of suggested job titles for the Vikings’ new guy Pat Shurmur

By Derek Wetmore

By now it’s been widely reported that the Vikings have added Pat Shurmur to the coaching staff.

Shurmur is a former head coach, offensive coordinator and quarterbacks coach.

The only vacancy on Minnesota’s coaching staff, if the titles were to remain the same from last year, would be at running backs coach, where Kirby Wilson took a job with the Cleveland Browns. But the widespread consensus is that’s not the job for Shurmur.

So until we hear otherwise, I’m expecting this will mean one of two things:

1) An unexpected shakeup to the whole staff

2) A job title created specifically for Shurmur’s addition

Now let’s cut ties with all the buttoned-up serious stuff. If the Vikings are looking for suggestions, here are a few that might fit. Some of them might not actually fit on a business card, but personally I think the present world domination by Google and Facebook has obviated the need for little paper cards to display your job title.

Pat Shurmur, …

Co-Offensive Coordinator Only Here To Make Sure Norv Doesn’t Screw It Up

Director Of Offense In Charge of Offensive Line Health

Coordinator, Offense

Passing Game Coordinator Tasked With Adding A Real Passing Game

Manager Of Offensive Duties, Including But Not Limited To Playcalling And Literally Everything Else

Passing Game Manager, Try To See If You Can Make 2016 Teddy Like 2013 Nick Foles

Administrator Of All Things Football Not Including Defense And Special Teams

Co-Head Coach In charge of telling Mike Wallace he won’t be back on his current contract

Co-Head Coach Here To Help Make Sure Everyone Knows Mike Zimmer Isn’t Afraid of Having His Power Usurped By More Experienced Coaches On Staff

Offensive Overseer, With A Direct Line To The Head Coach In Case The Incumbent OC Doesn’t Play Nice

Assistant To The Head Coach

The Only Person On Minnesota’s Coaching Staff That Makes Me Think Of Amy Schumer

Offensive-Minded Person Hired To Make Clear What Already Seemed Obvious – After Two Years, The Vikings Offense Isn’t Nearly As Far Along As Zimmer’s Defense

Supervisor To Any Coach Named Turner

Quality Control, Tasked With Making Sure The Offense Is Never In The Same Spot It Was At The End Of The Arizona Game

Question Answerer For Questions Such As: Is This Version Of Air Coryell Really Getting It Done? Or, Are We Cool With Being 29th In Yards Per Game Despite Having Adrian Peterson? How About Ranking 31st In Passing Yards Per Game Ahead Of Only The Rams, Who Fired Their Offensive Coordinator? (Hi again, Nick Foles.)

Offensive Wizard, And We’re Willing To Look Past Your Record As Head Coach In Cleveland Because Come On It’s The Browns.

Implementer Of Offenses From Either Coast, But Given Bridgewater’s Strengths And Weaknesses, Preferably The West Coast

Gadget Guy, Responsible For Making Sure To Remind Everyone In The Room That Cordarrelle Patterson Has Tons of Talent And Utility Even If He Can’t Run A Route

Vikings Spy, Here To Answer The Question Once And For All About Why Chip Kelly Cut All Those Good Players

Quarterbacks Mastermind, Seriously What Got Into Nick Foles in 2013?

Vice President Of Getting Adrian Peterson To Continue To Be A Force At Age 31

Optimism Enforcer, Designated With Reminding Everyone At Winter Park That The Vikings Defense Is Every Bit As Good As Those Of The Panthers And Broncos, Two Teams You’ve Probably Heard Of

Fresh Prince Of Blair

The post A list of suggested job titles for the Vikings’ new guy Pat Shurmur appeared first on 1500 ESPN Twin Cities.

Source:: 1500 ESPN Sportswire

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